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[icon] La Vie Boheme
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Subject:Matt broke up with me today.
Time:11:28 pm
Current Mood:blankblank
To be honest, I don't care. At first I was upset, now I feel nothing towards it. Except the fact that there's (not even) two months of my life that I've wasted.
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Subject:Because I don't want to talk about my life.
Time:10:45 am
Current Mood:tiredtired
meowfaceman and twinstar87 are having sweet, creamy buttsex!
blackxfebruary, we all know the truth, come out of the closet.
mouser882 has been thinking of going on a machine-gun rampage for six months.
stargarbage and weezette do things behind lostchildofoi's back that are illegal in most of the world.
likebeinglow has no TV licence!
fuckingnapoleon has a secret fixation with butter!

Enter your username to dish the dirt on your friends!

Wait a minute, isn't Joe already out of the closet?
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Time:07:42 am

You're Mimi Marquez. You're 19, but you're old for
your age. You've got a lot of emotional
baggage, but you know how to have a good time.
You don't dwell on the past or worry about the
future; you live for today.

Rent Character Quiz
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You're Tom Collins, a teacher and anarchist. You
like to use your knowledge of technology to get
message across. "Actual Reality! Act up!
Fight AIDS!"

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I love them both so much, but I really got Mimi. Yay.

Now back to my uncontrollable crying.

Oh yeah one thing.

I love Jackie Molli so much.
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Subject:Just give me 2-4 weeks and I'll be normal again.. I hope.
Time:08:03 pm
Current Mood:disappointeddisappointed
Back on anti-depressants, this time it's Prozac. A low dose, because of my tendency to get hypomanic, which leads to being manic.

So I was sleeping today, as I have been a lot lately, and I heard this sound from my cell phone which I didn't recognize at first. I let it ring, then looked at it, and as it turns out, the sound was Adam's special ring. it's just been so long that I forgot what it sounded like. He had called me from his home. Then it said I had a new voicemail, and I heard a muffled message, but I couldn't even tell the tone of his voice, so I wasn't sure whether to call back.

But I did, I left a message on his cell phone saying, "Adam, I got your message earlier, I'm really glad you called. I hate not talking to you. I wasn't sure whether you called because you were mad or because you wanted to make up, so I wasn't going to risk it, but I have to risk it. Because I love you and you're worth it. Give me a call back, let me know how things are going."

He called me back and it was a mistake. He never called to begin with. I said, "Oh. I'm sorry I bothered you." And he didn't stop me from hanging up. He didn't say wait! How have you been? You sound down. He doesn't even care anymore.

Doesn't seem like anyone does. I almost don't want people to comment on this, because this is not me begging for someone to comment saying "Oh Annie! I care!" But I'd like someone to honestly care. It would be nice. I want someone to hang out with before Friday so I don't go completely crazy.
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Subject:Coming out of hibernation? No, I don't think so.
Time:09:22 pm
Current Mood:depresseddepressed
I've pretty much been in hibernation mode for the past few days, but today I had to get out of it so Matt could take me to the doctor's. It was scary, being an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor, and me being someone who has a phobia involving ears. I don't want to do it again.

Afterwards we saw Dodgeball and went to lunch at Remomo's. Then I came home and slept. I seem to be very good at that lately.

Depression seems to have worked to my advantage so far. Dad got me Angel season 3 on DVD, which I've been watching all weekend (only three episodes left), and my grandparents sent a check for $30. I think I'll spend it on Firefly on DVD. God I'm such a loser.

I had therapy today. The end was horrible, it was just dad yelling at me for what a weak, pathetic, horrible person I am. We didn't say two words to each other on the way home.

Came home, slept. Talked to Randi (always a good, I love that girl so much). Tried to make garlic bread but that didn't exactly pan out. Too much garlic. Tried to hold a conversation with Kathryn, but that didn't work either. I guess we'll never be close.

I have an interview with Hollywood Video. Monotone "woo-hoo".

Matt's going to Belmont for freshman orientation. I won't be able to see him or speak to him for three days. Which, you know, is just great. I hope he has fun.

Lori told me I need to get out of my bedroom for these next few days, until Friday (mom's wedding party). But honestly, what would I do? Where would I go? If I had a car and money I'd do stuff by myself. Go to the park. Go to the movies, go to the theatre, maybe even spend a day at the zoo. Or go to the beach like Matt and I were supposed to do last weekend. But I don't have either of those things. The money thing could probably be taken care of, dad's usually willing to give me money, but I still don't have a car, and I don't have any friends right now either. I have Randi, but she's so far away, and, also carless. I have Ben, but he doesn't like "mopey Annie" and doesn't seem to be willing to be there for me when I'm like this. I have Jackie and Shanel, but they're far away, carless. No one else has really expressed an interest in hanging out, and there's no way I'm bothering Jenni. Well, I might have spoken too soon. I might call her later in the week, see if we can have a girls' day.

Ok, I lied about the "later this week" part. I just called her. Of course I got the cheerful answering machine. I didn't leave a message though, I've left sooo many messages that don't get returned. I know she's going through something but I wish every now and then she'd let me know she still wants me around. We haven't spoken since before school let out. I miss her.

This entry turned out to be a lot longer than I had anticipated. I'll sign off here.
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Time:12:33 am
Why is it that everyone who seems to be here for me right now lives at least a half an hour away?

I hate distance.

Especially when it's with someone so close.
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Subject:Things suck
Time:10:44 pm
Current Mood:discontentdiscontent
Which is why I haven't posted much lately. No one wants to hear me complain about my shitty days, how much I hate school, or how lately it seems that all I can do is sleep. I skipped my last day of school, to sleep. Got a few phone calls, from Matt on his break, Dad telling me to wake up, that fat little Indian psychiatrist who's a resident under Dr. Grados and my mom, at 2, asking me if I was taking a nap. I told her I was, I really hadn't even gotten out of bed. My doctors are thinking of putting me back on antidepressants, and Dad agrees with them.

Anyway, today I got out of bed at 3:45, and thought "Oh good, Matt will be off of work soon." I talked to Ryan online, which was nice, and then Matt and I went out to the Olive Garden, then we watched 50 First Dates.

And I hate feeling this way.
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Time:12:38 pm
I feel like shit. I hate being sick. I really hope Matt doesn't have mono, he's getting tested for it today. Dad's being a complete asshole. It's like I can't be in a bad mood without it having to do directly to my medication. He's trying to get me back on anti-depressants, which is stupid, I don't feel depressed. I just felt like shit yesterday (as I do today) and wanted to sleep all day.

At maybe 10:30 last night the awesome Matt came to my house with salad, bread sticks (mmmm) and pasta from the Olive Garden. He's awesome, it was great to just see him. I really love him and want him to feel better.

Oh yeah if anyone knows why it says I'm a part of the u_make_lj_suck community, but I can't post in it, let me know. Thank you.

Oh god here comes April, a girl from my journalism class who's annoying as hell and probably reading this over my shoulder right now. Gahh. Some people are just too cheerful for my taste.
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Subject:This doesn't surprise me at all.
Time:12:39 am
Current Mood:amusedamused
fuckingnapoleon's LJ stalker is stargarbage!
stargarbage is stalking you because they heard you are awesome in bed, and they want to find out. They are also stalking the rest of your friends list!

LiveJournal Username:

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com

Shanel, when are we gonna have another late-night AIM conversation? I want more cyber bdsm.

Today was awesome. Jim, you kick ass.

I talked to Leah. I'm not even going to talk about that, all I'll say is... it didn't go well. But whatever, I still had a great day.

Matt, I love you so much. Feel better soon.
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Subject:Some lovely advice I got from my son.
Time:05:32 pm
These were his exact words, I laughed so hard I had to write them down.

"Have a good summer.
Don't do unprotected sex.
Don't do drugs.
Make good choices."

And then as I was walking out for my early dismissal, I saw Mr. Burrows and said, "Have a good weekend, James!"

His reaction made my day.

But Leah still hasn't talked to me.
comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment

[icon] La Vie Boheme
View:Recent Entries.
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Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries